Top 10 Empowering/Revenge Songs for Women...In No Particular Order

On my way home from work today, the TLC song "No Scrubs" came on my Jodeci Pandora station.  While singing along, letting all other drivers within close proximity to my car know that I don't want no scrub cos a scrub is a guy that can't get no love from me, I started thinking about all of the great songs out there that empower women...or speak of revenge against the men who did them wrong.  Why not come up with a list, I thought?  And so this blog post was born...

Here are my top 10 empowering/revenge songs for women, along with my favorite lyrics from each...in no particular order.  Let me know which ones are your favorites!

1.  Bust Your Windows - Jazmine Sullivan
"Yeah I did it/You should know it/I ain't sorry/You deserved it/After what you did to me, you deserved it/I ain't sorry, no, no, no"

2.  Irreplaceable - Beyonce
"You can pack all your things, we're finished/'Cause you made your bed now lay in it/I could have another you by tomorrow/So don't you ever for a second get to thinking you're irreplaceable"

3.  Luv Back - Jazmine Sullivan
"It's funny when I think about the past/When I was so naive to think that things would last/But now that I can see that you were never good for me/And it's over so you can give my love back"  (if only it were so easy...!)

5.  Be OK - Chrisette Michele
"Ever sentimental/And my crying's detrimental/Tell me what I'm getting into/I can't lose my mind/Think it's time for me to let go/Cos my heart can't take it no more/You were all I lived for but I leave you behind"

6.  Miss Independent - Ne-Yo (I love the remix with Jamie Foxx and Fabolous!)
"And everything she got she work for it/Good life made for it/She take pride in saying that she paid for it/Only kinda girl I want/Independent queen working for her throne, I love her cos she got her own"

7.  Independent Women - Destiny's Child (I love Part II best!)
"Try to control me boy you get dismissed/Pay my own fun, oh and I pay my own bills/Always 50/50 in relationships..."
8.  Before He Cheats - Carrie Underwood (the ultimate anthem for a woman scorned - and I don't even like country music!)
"I dug my key into the side/Of his pretty little souped-up 4 wheel drive/Carved my name into his leather seat/I took a Louisville slugger to both head lights/Slashed a hole in all 4 tires/And maybe next time he'll think before he cheats"

9.  No Scrubs - TLC
Pretty much every word in this song is classic.  I can't choose my favorite line!

10.  Epihany (I'm Leaving) - Chrisette Michele
"So I think I'm just about over being your girlfriend/I'm leaving, I'm leaving/No more wondering what you've been doing, where you been sleeping (it's over)/I'm leaving, I'm leaving"

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The Moment When I NEED, Rather than Want, a Man in My Life...

Tonight I had an uninvited guest in my bathroom as I got ready for bed. I swear this thing is gonna haunt me in my dreams. Although it would have been great to have a man kill and dispose of it, I grabbed my handy dandy broom, pounded it from a distance and flushed it down the toilet.

I am Woman. Hear me roar!

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How Charlotte Got Her Groove Back

OK, don't let the title of this post fool you.  Yes,  I was in Jamaica a few weeks ago but I did not "get my groove back" Angela Bassett/Taye Diggs style.  No, instead I am taking the advice of the Millionaire Matchmaker herself, Patti Stanger and spending some time in "Dating Detox".  In her book, Become Your Own Matchmaker: 8 Easy Steps for Attracting Your Perfect Mate, Ms. Patti stresses the importance of taking time to do the things that make you happy rather than looking for a man to fill the void following a breakup.  Since my children are spending a lot of time with their father this summer, I figured now is the perfect time for me to detox a little and have some "me time"! 

And what better way to put a smile on my face than to pamper myself a little?  On Friday, I went to one of the best hair stylists in the Nashville area, Patience Barton, and let's just say I did not leave disappointed:

I know, cute right??  For those that don't know, I'm 5 months into transitioning my relaxed hair to natural.  A difficult task at any time of year, but in this ridiculous 100+ degree heat it's enough to break a sista down and make me run to the salon for a hefty dose of "creamy crack".  But thanks to Patience's amazing talent with a blow dryer and round brush, I do believe I can last another month at least.  Thanks again, Patience!

Second step to getting my groove back was a girl's night out with a couple of my great friends.  It's impossible not to be in good spirits when the conversation and sangria is flowing ;-)  Here's a picture of me ready to head out for the evening:

Third, what kind of female would I be if I did not indulge in a little retail therapy to get me over the hump?  Of course, being a single mom I always have to stay within budget.  No point using the mortgage payment to have the cutest dress in the store, right?  Here's one of the purchases I made during my most recent session:

Very productive, wouldn't you agree?  Every time I wear it, I feel like a new woman!  OK, maybe not really but it's pretty darn cute.

The bottom line is I'm doing the things that make me happy.  I have been guilty of relying on others (usually the men in my life) to make me happy and that's just not healthy.  Right now feels like a good time to love on myself for a while and not worry about being in a relationship.  I mentioned in my earlier post, That Ever-Elusive Thing Called Love that my married friends have been telling me to enjoy my single life and to wait for true love to find me ever since my divorce more than 4 years ago.  But I never really understood what that meant until this weekend.  Spending time doing the things I love showed me I can have just as much fun alone and with my friends as I can in a relationship.  I want to spend time re-developing my relationship with God, which I have slacked off on a little recently.  I want to develop new friendships and continue building on my existing ones.  Today I spent 5 hours in Panera catching up with a friend I haven't seen in months and learned things about her that I never knew before.  That's what I'm talking about!  Then maybe when the time is right, I'll consider the possibility of a new relationship but for right now I'm just happy being me :)

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That Ever-Elusive Thing Called Love...

“Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life.” - Bob Marley.

I don't know about you but that sounds like a dream to me.  To have someone in my life with whom I have the most special, most intimate relationship to the point they become a part of me.  I have experienced this feeling in relatively short bursts, only for some aspect of the union to go awry and I find myself single once again.  But to have that feeling consistently, permanently, genuinely, willingly...for a lifetime?  Seems like a dream to me.

I look all around and see people who are apparently living this dream.  Of course, one never knows what the story is behind closed doors, but at least on the outside they seem to have this love thing down.  And when I'm single, they always seem to have the same advice for me: "Enjoy the single life for as long as you can!", or  "Mr. Right will come along when you least expect him", and my personal favorite, "Don't look for love, let love find you!"  Those of you that know me know that I am the most impulsive and impatient person I know so that last little pearl of wisdom seems near impossible to me!

Last night after my kids and I returned from our wonderful vacation, I faced the harsh reality of singlehood.  My awesome bff picked us up at the airport and brought us home (thanks again boo xx).  I stood in my living room, overflowing with vacation stories and pictures, not to mention the dreaded task of unpacking and the never-ending cycle of laundry, and no one to share them with.  Of course I could have invited friends over or called someone to let them know I was back.  But you know what I mean...it's just not the same as having a special someone who wants to be there to hear and share in that experience with me.  Someone who really missed me and couldn't wait for me to get back so we could continue to develop our lives together.

Excuse me while I host my own pity party over here.  But as they say, time is a great healer.  I just haven't had enough time yet.  To top it off my kids leave to spend some time with their dad today.  4 weeks to be exact.  On the bright side, that leaves me with extra time to heal and to find things I enjoy doing just for me; more words of wisdom from a married friend.  Maybe I'll do some work around my house and finally put my mark on it.  I've been wanting to buy some bar stools for months.  I can finish painting J and my rooms that I started on a whim before leaving for vacation (my impulsive side showing once again).  I might even try my hand at some yard work...ok let's not get too carried away...

Seriously though, I should have more girls nights out with my friends.  Work on my blog some more since writing is even more therapeutic for me than I realized, and I can see this thing now going in a whole other direction than I initially planned.  I'm kind of excited about that.  Shoot, maybe I'll take up some classes or something.  Get out there and do something!  Who knows, maybe my married friends are right and love will find me when I least expect it...

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Jamaica, the Beautiful...America, the Privileged

As many of you know, my parents’ native country is Jamaica. After raising myself and my sisters in England, they moved back “home” about 6 years ago. This summer my kids and I were blessed enough to spend 10 days with them and loved every minute of it!

Usually when people I know visit Jamaica, they stay at the usual tourist hotspots…Montego Bay, Negril, Ocho Rios. They are warned to stay within the walls of the resort for their own safety. As beautiful as the resorts are, I feel that they do not allow tourists to see the Real Jamaica. Yeah, you’ll see the clear blue sea and sandy beaches. You’ll see Jamaican citizens working in the resort and hear their sing-song patois as they call out to you to buy t-shirts, wristbands or other souvenirs.

But what don’t you see? You won’t see where they live, where they shop and how they get there. You won’t see the bumpy roads they travel to get to where they need to be. You won’t see school children in their brown and blue uniforms walking to and from school. You’ll never know that children go to school in shifts rather than all day like our children do. You won’t see grown men and women standing on street corners begging for money to buy ice cream to cool down from the intense Jamaican sun. And you’ll never see cows and goats crossing the street, and the cars that slow down to let them pass just like any other pedestrian.

During my trip I was able to see the Real Jamaica. I’m not going to lie, some of it was a little scary.  Seeing people step into the street in front of my dad's car without looking both ways made me a little nervous for their safety and ours!   Being asked repeatedly to allow my son to ride a donkey on the beach was a little unnerving. (Those dudes just don't take no for an answer!)

It was also eye-opening.  While watching the children wait for a taxi to take them home after school, I noticed the differences between them and my children.  It's way deeper than the way they talk.  It's in their whole approach to life.  My children have most likely already had way more opportunities than their Jamaican counterparts and my kids have completely taken what they have for granted.  I'm not saying their ungrateful by any means.  It's just a given to them that they're able to do the things they do, whereas the children in Jamaica know they will have to work harder for what they want.  As J sat in my dad’s car listening to his mp3 player and playing his PSP, I watched the school boys staring at him curiously as they walked by. It hurt my heart that there was no connection between them, which is silly really because their eyes locked only for a fleeting moment through the barrier of the car window.  Not like they could strike up a friendship right there and then, right??

This post isn't really in line with the overall theme of my blog but it was on my mind so I decided to post it anyway.  We take so many things for granted here...water, electricity, smooth roads to drive along, access to quality (though expensive) health care...those things aren't necessarily a guarantee in other parts of the world.  I'm determined to thank God everyday for what my children and I have and to not sweat the small stuff.  I encourage you to do the same.

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Random thought...

Are you still a single mom if you have a boyfriend who is not the father of your children?  I've been with my wonderful boyfriend JI for almost 2 years.  Yet I still consider myself a "single" mom, in the sense that I am no longer with my children's father.  But I'm not really single, because JI is around.  So am I a "dating mom"?  That just doesn't sound right.  Does it even matter?  It's not like I need a title to understand who I am!  Just a random thought...

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