That Ever-Elusive Thing Called Love...

“Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life.” - Bob Marley.

I don't know about you but that sounds like a dream to me.  To have someone in my life with whom I have the most special, most intimate relationship to the point they become a part of me.  I have experienced this feeling in relatively short bursts, only for some aspect of the union to go awry and I find myself single once again.  But to have that feeling consistently, permanently, genuinely, willingly...for a lifetime?  Seems like a dream to me.

I look all around and see people who are apparently living this dream.  Of course, one never knows what the story is behind closed doors, but at least on the outside they seem to have this love thing down.  And when I'm single, they always seem to have the same advice for me: "Enjoy the single life for as long as you can!", or  "Mr. Right will come along when you least expect him", and my personal favorite, "Don't look for love, let love find you!"  Those of you that know me know that I am the most impulsive and impatient person I know so that last little pearl of wisdom seems near impossible to me!

Last night after my kids and I returned from our wonderful vacation, I faced the harsh reality of singlehood.  My awesome bff picked us up at the airport and brought us home (thanks again boo xx).  I stood in my living room, overflowing with vacation stories and pictures, not to mention the dreaded task of unpacking and the never-ending cycle of laundry, and no one to share them with.  Of course I could have invited friends over or called someone to let them know I was back.  But you know what I mean...it's just not the same as having a special someone who wants to be there to hear and share in that experience with me.  Someone who really missed me and couldn't wait for me to get back so we could continue to develop our lives together.

Excuse me while I host my own pity party over here.  But as they say, time is a great healer.  I just haven't had enough time yet.  To top it off my kids leave to spend some time with their dad today.  4 weeks to be exact.  On the bright side, that leaves me with extra time to heal and to find things I enjoy doing just for me; more words of wisdom from a married friend.  Maybe I'll do some work around my house and finally put my mark on it.  I've been wanting to buy some bar stools for months.  I can finish painting J and my rooms that I started on a whim before leaving for vacation (my impulsive side showing once again).  I might even try my hand at some yard work...ok let's not get too carried away...

Seriously though, I should have more girls nights out with my friends.  Work on my blog some more since writing is even more therapeutic for me than I realized, and I can see this thing now going in a whole other direction than I initially planned.  I'm kind of excited about that.  Shoot, maybe I'll take up some classes or something.  Get out there and do something!  Who knows, maybe my married friends are right and love will find me when I least expect it...