Jul 6, 2016

My Soulmate

At the tender age of 21, I got married to a man I truly believed was my best friend.  I didn't have a traditional wedding with my family and friends there to witness what should have been the most special day of my life.  No maid of honor, no best man, no bridesmaids or cute little flower girls.  I didn't even have my dad walk me down the aisle.  It was just the bride, the groom and the minister.

Looking back on that day, I wish I had done things differently.  I was never the kind of girl to dream about a fairytale wedding, which is probably why mine went down the way it did.  But these days, it seems all I can think about is how I would do things if I ever have the chance to walk down the aisle a second time.  I'll hear a song and think, wow that would be an amazing first dance song...



Or wow, I could totally imagine myself walking down the aisle to this one...


Yeah, OK I'm kind of a John Legend fan!

And I may or may not have a secret Pinterest board to store all of my wedding planning ideas......oh come on, I know I'm not the only one!

When my marriage ended, I spent a lot of time looking for love in the wrong places.  I had felt unloved and unwanted for so long that I was just yearning for a man to validate me.  Getting married again equated to being controlled again, so a wedding was the furthest thing from my mind.

But as time went on and my emotional wounds healed, I began yearning for the real deal.  I began thinking about and praying for my soulmate.  That one man who gets me completely.  We can express ourselves with a simple glance, and finish each other's sentences.  He gives me the space to be me, even though we are one.  My protector, my comfort, my shoulder to lean on in uncertain times.  In essence, he is my best friend. 

For a long time, I kept these thoughts to myself, sharing them only with God in my prayer time; letting Him know I'm ready whenever He is.  The featured scripture for my devotional over the weekend was Habakkuk 2:2, which encourages us to "write the vision and make it plain..."  It's OK to dream, to wish, to hope, even to have secret Pinterest boards and to have faith that you will receive your happy ending.

If Facebook is anything to go by, at least two couples get engaged or married every week.  And don't get me started on the new babies!  There was a time when I would get frustrated, wondering why they were getting the blessing I had been praying so earnestly for.  That sounds so selfish of me now.  However, over the past several years, I have learned not to envy what others have.  I have accepted that my time is coming.  Rather than be envious, I have chosen to use this time to prepare for what is to come.  Because my next walk down the aisle will certainly be my last.

I do believe I have already met my soulmate.  And when the time is right, John Legend will serenade us through our fairytale wedding and into the rest of our lives together.  Until then, I'll keep on pinning and praying.  I encourage you to do the same for whatever your heart's desire may be.  Dare to dream!!
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