May 22, 2012

How I Picked up the Pieces

On October 27, 2006 I made the biggest decision of my life.  For so long, I had thought it would be impossible for me to walk away.  But on that day, I knew I had no other choice.  For the sake of my sanity and safety, I had to go. 

I had been married for a little over 4 years.  During that time, I had changed into a person I didn't even recognize.  My family knew something was wrong but didn't know how to help because I always put on a pretense like everything was fine.  But on that day, I had finally reached my breaking point.  And like R. Kelly says, when a woman's fed up...well, you know the rest...

After a particularly abusive night, though not the worst, I made up in my mind that I was leaving the next day.  I had no idea where I was going to go or how I would deal with the aftermath.  All I could think was I needed to get out of that house before it was too late.  The next day while he was at work and my innocent little babies were at daycare oblivious as to what was about to go down, I went to the courthouse downtown and applied for an order of protection.  This is a legal document that would be served on him and prohibit him from contacting me or hurting me in any way.  If, after being served, he made an attempt to contact me, I could call the police and he would be immediately arrested. 

Once the order of protection was in place, I raced back home and picked up some clothes for myself and my kids.  A friend of mine had offered to let me stay with her and her family until I was able to get a place of my own.  Such a huge sacrifice they made to allow us to interrupt their family life and take care of us like we were a part of their family.  I am eternally grateful to them for all that they did.

I stayed with them for 3 weeks until I found a place of my own.  Having our own little space felt so good! My children and I were free to do as we pleased as long as we didn't disturb the neighbors!  Over time I regained my confidence, independence and self-esteem.  I found my voice once again and learned that it's ok to stand up for what is right for myself and my children.  I realized that my opinion does mean something and is worth being heard and I was no longer afraid or ashamed to voice it when appropriate.

I'd be lying if I said it was easy.  But I'm being completely truthful when I say it is possible to leave an unhealthy relationship and start over.  It pains me to see and hear of women who stay in unhealthy relationships because they feel they can't make it on their own.  I was there once and it is a sad, dark and lonely place.  I want to hold their hand, whisper in their ear of God's love for them, tell my story and inspire hope for a brighter future.  By writing this blog and sharing a little of my story, it is my hope that i will touch someone, somewhere and help them to take that first step toward better days.  So if you know someone who is going through a tough time right now and maybe needs to hear some encouraging words, feel free to pass this post along to them.  It might just be what they're looking for.



  1. Good post boo. Im so glad to be apart of your life and blessed to see God work in your lives!!! Love u and the kiddies!!!!

  2. You have such a warm and giving spirit. Its obvious that u must have had a lot of healing because I would not have thought that domestic violence would have been a part of your past. I have read that 50% of women experience it, leaving us not only physically, but emotionally scarred and wounded, our esteem shattered, bitter, and just broken. I wrote a piece describing my horrid experience for the first time just a month ago. I will share it with u. Love u Mz Britt!