In the midst of it all, one of my best friends got all the way real with me and served up some home truths. After becoming frustrated with my ex (again) over something he had or hadn't done (again), my friend said this: "Why are you allowing someone like that to have so much control over your emotions?"
Ouch. The truth really does hurt. You can only let someone drive you crazy if you give them the keys.
I left my ex almost 10 years ago. Ever since that day I promised myself I would never allow another man to control me the way he did. As strong and independent as I pride myself on being, it only takes one wrong word from him to put me in a bad mood. I do not understand why he does the things he does, and why he fails to do the things I believe he should...and I probably never will. But at the end of the day, my kids are healthy, happy, and a joy to be around. They are well taken care of and they know they are loved. I have been blessed with the ability to take care of them financially with little support from him. THAT should be where my focus lies, not on the person I wish he would be that he probably never will become.
Over the past few weeks, as well as the busyness of life in general, I have been making a conscious effort to not allow him to frustrate me. I am letting go of the bitterness and the grudgeful mindset I didn't realize I had been holding on to for all of these years. I don't enjoy having conversations with him - I literally cringe when circumstances require me to say "hello" - but from now on I will treat him as I would like to be treated...whether I think he deserves to be treated that way or not. That doesn't mean I have to be his best buddy. It doesn't mean I have to have conversations with him beyond passing along important details regarding the kids' health and welfare. Being cordial is more than enough.
"Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone." Colossians 4:6We should all have that one friend that isn't afraid to tell you what you need to know. I'm thankful my friend broke it down for me, even though it stung a little. Knowing he was saying it out of love made it much easier to accept. I can already feel a weight has been lifted knowing I don't have to be mad at my ex anymore. What he did back then was wrong, and there have been some things he's done recently that were wrong too. But holding that against him only hurts me. And I'm way too smart for that!
So now that I have that off my chest, I'll be back to the regular schedule next week!
Enjoy your weekend xx