For a long time after my divorce,
I thought it was impossible to be happy without a man. Just the thought of enjoying my own company,
especially for an extended period of time, seemed foreign to me. My married friends would tell me to enjoy my
singlehood, do things I enjoyed and learn who I really am without having my
identity tied up in some guy. I thought
they were crazy.
It wasn’t until a couple of years
ago that I realized they might actually have a point.
There is a clear difference
between being alone and being lonely. It
is completely possible to be content in your singlehood. I’m so happy that I have finally come to that
realization, and I’d like to share 5 ways you can be happy in your own company
too!
1. Understand Your Worth
There’s a thin
line between confidence and conceit.
When you truly understand your worth, it’s much easier to stay on the
right side of that line. You’ll know you
don’t have to make a huge effort proving your worth to others because it’s written
all over you. Your body language will
say, “I am strong. I am confident. I
understand the gifts and talents I have been blessed with and as such I refuse
to be treated any less than I deserve.” One of my favorite scriptures is Psalm
139:14 – “I praise you
because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” (Emphasis added). In His Word, God tells us how wonderful
we are; all we have to do is believe Him.
Even if you are not a spiritual person, it’s important to understand the
true value that you bring to the lives of those around you so that you won’t
settle for less than you deserve.
2. Be
content
My son loves computers, tablets,
video games…anything technical and he’s all about it. We all know that technology changes just as
soon as it emerges, so he’s always wanting something new by the time his
birthday or Christmas rolls around. I tell
him all the time: be content with what you have. If you are always looking for happiness in the
next new thing – or more relevant to this post, the next new relationship – you
will never really be happy. I once heard
it said that a person can only make another person 20% happy at most. That means the other 80% is completely on
me. If I’m only 20% happy by myself and
not tapping into that full 80%, then even if I am in a relationship, I’ll only
be 40% happy at most. Oftentimes, this
is what causes relationships to fail. We
set unrealistic expectations on the other person, expecting him/her to make us completely
happy 100% of the time. When they fail
to meet that unattainable standard, we cut them loose. This is why it’s so important to be content
by yourself before entering a romantic relationship. Seems counterproductive, but totally worth
the effort.
3. Do
What Makes You Happy
This is really
sad, but when I got divorced I didn’t know what made me happy. If you had asked me what my hobbies were or
what I liked to do for fun, I’d struggle to give you an answer. This is where the loneliness kicks in. There’s only so much TV and Netflix you can
watch alone before the loneliness takes over.
Think about the things you’re good at; things that bring you happiness,
or make you feel confident, even sexy. I’m
still a work in progress on this one, but I’ve learned over the last couple of
years that I actually enjoy working out.
I love the feeling of strength I have while taking a Yoga or Pilates
class. Back in the day, I was the chick
that only ran when it was absolutely necessary.
Then I discovered the Couch 2 5K
app and now I’m working towards running my first 5K in July! Even this blog is the product of me learning
how much I love to write and encourage others.
Maybe for you it’s cooking, painting or scrapbooking. You could take a class at a local community
college to learn something that has always been of interest to you. The possibilities are endless!
4. Expand
Your Circle of Friends
I have mentioned
in earlier posts that when I first became a single mother, I did not have many
friends. My family is literally spread across
the world so I don’t get to see them very often. About 3 years ago I made an intentional effort
to expand my circle of friends. I joined
the singles community at my church, and made plans to hang out with some of the
ladies outside of the group. I reached
out to make plans for lunches, dinners, happy hours and hosted parties at my
house. I’m an introvert by nature so it
took a lot for me to do this, but I was tired of waiting for invitations and
the disappointment of not being included.
Let me tell you, I have made some great friendships as a result and my
confidence has increased. Now I have to
limit myself on how often I go out with friends for financial reasons, as well
as to make sure I get enough rest on the weekends my kids are with their dad! The point is, don’t wait around for others to
befriend you. If you want to make
friends, be a friend to someone else. Trust
me, they’ll thank you for it.
5. Encourage
Others
Often times, helping other people will
help you to feel better about yourself. This
is known as “Helper’s High” – a win-win situation! Research has proven that helping others
produces strong emotional and physical results.
Pick a charitable organization that is dear to your heart and research
volunteer opportunities. Or maybe you
have an elderly neighbor you can make meals for or just sit and chat with. Tennessee is known as the Volunteer State so
finding a way to help out should be easy around here! VolunteerMatch
is also a great resource for finding volunteer opportunities with nonprofits
across the country.
These are just a
few of the things you can do to be happy and content all by yourself. Leave a comment and let me know what you do
to make yourself happy!
